I've become quite fond of squatter toilets

After some contemplation I’ve come up with a list of very Korean things that just make zero sense to me.I'm sure that, with time, this list will grow longer. But for now, this is what I've got ...

(1) In the hallway, on the street, in bars, in the cab, I constantly have people coming up to me and speaking/practicing their English. This is great! Sometimes they sound like William Shakespeare, but 9 times out of 10 I can barely understand them so I just smile and nod. Nevertheless, I give them props for trying. But in the classroom, getting most kids to attempt English is next to impossible. The second we leave those four walls I’m bombarded with “hello, how are you?”s– but asking them to say the exact same sentence in class is torture.

(2) Korea is all about respect. Wanna eat lunch alone at your desk and get some work done? Don’t even think about it. It is disrespectful to turn down an invitation AND to eat alone. Wanna wear flip flops? Beware the death stares. Wanna cross the road in front of a cute, Korea grandmother? Not a chance, buck-o. BUT! It is completely and totally acceptable to speak over someone else – whether it’s a teacher or a student – during class. In fact, mid-discipline I could be scolding a student, and she will, without hesitation, turn to her friend and continue talking/giggling. The first time this happened, I was appalled (with good reason) but a fellow coteacher reassured me that this just how they are here.

(3) Korea is super dynamic … and inconsistent. Five minutes late somewhere? Shame on your family. Can’t finish a lesson plan in less than 30 seconds? Fail. Wanna take a sick day because you’re bleeding out of every orifice in your body? No way, Jose. BUT! When it comes to appointments and getting things done, Korea is a total bum. It took me over a month to get internet. We finally set up an appointment for them to come move-in day but alas, they forgot (?). This would certainly never happen in America – and if it did, I’d get a fatty discount on my installation cost. When 5:00pm had come and gone, I told my coteacher that we were still sans internet, but she seemed completely unfazed by it. I went the weekend without internet, and they set up two more “potential” appointments – in other words, they would call my coteacher if they decided to come that day. Both “potential” appointment days came and went. The reason? They wanted to buy me a gift. In Korea this is known as “service.” Korea is all about free stuff – when I bought furniture, I got a free lamp; when I got my washing machine, I got free detergent; even when I bought a bottle of water and a sweet, I got a free lollipop from FamilyMart. This is all well and good, but I don’t want a gift – I want MY INTERNET.

(4) I got yelled at the other day for walking around barefoot in my own house. Koreans are very serious about cleanliness and their floors, but pretty much about nothing else. I saw a handy man wipe down a disgusting moldy spot in the windowsill and then take that same rag to dry off an eating plate. During dinner, it’s a miracle if you can find any kind of napkin and most likely, it’s toilet paper which does nothing. For a culture that is so scared of H1N1, you’d think that hygiene would be higher on their list of priorities.

(5) And lastly, I think Korea may be the most dehydrated country of all time. The Korean drinking menu: milk, instant coffee (yum), soju, and more soju. Nowhere on that list is water. I have eaten in my school's cafeteria every day for the last three weeks, and have not once seen anyone drinking water -- not during or even after a meal. I suppose they just don't get thirsty, but when you're eating some of the spiciest food in the world, its a wonder how they manage. Now, top that off with the fact that its always near 100 degrees, and borderline DC humid and still I'm the only one sweating my ass off, and looking for any form of libation-y goodness. The other day I ate dinner with one of my coteachers and we got delicious kimchi dumpring and I was throwing back the water. She turns to me and says "Waaa! You drink a lot..." I look down at her steel cup and it hasn't even been flipped over yet. Mystery.

And with that, I'm gonna go enjoy 3-4 cups of instant coffee in an attempt to get some form of water in my system.

Love you all,
xx